As a very athletic person my whole life, I was trained mentally and physically to push, to work harder, to use will power, to make it happen. I was conditioned to be an achiever.
These qualities served me well at times, and then they hurt many areas in my life. The “pusher” mindset that many of us achievers have is critical, judgmental, ego centric and attaches to external accomplishments to give us a sense of happiness and success. We believe it feeds our worth.
Well, it does not. The pusher is never content, it wants more and more because external accomplishments don’t feed our soul. They are nice, they give us moments of “happiness” and that happy feeling fades way quickly and we go for more.
We chase happiness. We chase success. We chase love…
It is like a dog chasing its own tale, it goes no where and it becomes neurotic.
This has been something I have learned by becoming a solo entrepreneur, and it spilled over my personal life as well. I wanted to make things happen, control the outcome, accelerate, rush, push, force…these qualities make us exhausted, angry and depressed at times because they don’t create authentic and sustainable results, quite the opposite, they create what we are trying to avoid. They leave us feeling empty and asking the question that kills our self’esteem and worth – “What is wrong with me”.
Why do we try so hard? Life can be so simple. There is true power governing everything around us, we just need to tap into that power, become one with that power because it is inside all of us.
I have this gorgeaus orchid at home and it blooms frequently, each time more flowers and more beautiful. All it needs is water and appreciation. I don’t stare at it and say “bloom now”, or question “when are you going to bloom?” It just blooms.
When does the babe walk? When will the Sun show up again? When is the garden going to give flowers and vegetables? When do we fall in love?
These questions illustrated our silliness to try to control and force things to happen, we try so hard…and we don’t need to, at all. We need to trust in the Power and allow life to unfold. With that, we get guidance on our actions and they feel in alignment, actions become fun, inspired and easy. No will, no pushing, no hustling.
We deplete so much energy for no reason, simply because we have this perception that we are in charge of all creations, something the personal growth industry pushes a lot, I used to push that belief on myself and others. We become almost entitled and we forget where true power of creation comes from. We are part of it for sure, we are co-creators.
Who is controlling your heart beat right now? Your digestion? The growth of a cell into a fetus, a baby? Divine intelligence, God, a Source, the quantum field…it does not matter what we call, it is a power beyond our full comprehension and we dont need to comprehend it. We just need to watch the magic, the beauty around us. Like a seed that becomes a beautiful and strong tree, an idea that becames a manifestation like airplanes, cars, iPhones…
We should be in a state of awe every day, every minute.
Stop trying so hard and allow life to unfold.
How do we know when we are trying too hard?
Here are the qualities that show in our mental, physical and emotional state when we try too hard:
- Chase for more
- Contraction, tension
- Will power
When we ALLOW, we open to receive, we experience these qualities:
- Joy, peace
With awareness, I know exactly where I am at every moment simply by paying attention to these qualities. And even with awareness, I do experience the qualities of the pusher, I try too hard many times…it is our nature, our ego, our wounds wanting something, someone to give us an experience of love, attention or reward. We are the love, the rewad to ourselves and with those qualities cultivated within, the outside world will match those energies and life unfolds with the magic we seek.
When we are aware, we pay attention, we can shift from that place instantly, fear to love, push to allow. We can change behaviors, restraint ourselves from pushing, forcing. We can choose a behavior that puts in a state of allowing and receiving, like reflection, self-care, meditation, walking in nature, stillness…
High achievers, including myself have hard time with these concepts because it was through a lot of hardship, pushing, hustling that they got their “success”, their results. And they recognize that operating from that “system” that creates negative qualities can destroy them.
They are not supporting life, they take life.
I “rebooted” my whole system in 2019 from being the pusher, “doer” ,the “make it happen” to the the Being person, the person that allows insights, inspired ideas to come and then action becomes effortlessly. It came from basically a spiritual crisis I had a year ago. It brought me down to my knees. Something needed to change. I needed to change.
I am still getting used to this new way of being, I fall back into the old at times and I catch myself. It takes time to recondition our brains and turn new behaviors into habits, where we don’t need to be so aware anymore, we just BEcome that person.
Rely on the true power of our Universe, and stop forcing things to happen. Choose Power, not Force.
I am learning that, we all are learning.
I will leave you with great words from David R. Hawkins M.D, Ph.D. and author of “Power versus Force”:
“Power arises from meaning. Power is always associated with that which supports the significance of life itself. Power appeals to what uplifts, dignifies and ennobles. Force must always be justified, whereas power requires no justification. Force automatically creates counter-force, its effect is limited by definition. Force tries against opposition. Power on the other hand, is still. Force always moves against something, whereas power does not move against anything at all.”
“Force has an unsatiable appetite, it constantly consumes. Power in contrast, energizes, goes forth, supplies, and supports…”
Peace and love, Alex.