As I talk with many clients about goals, vision for the new year, I started thinking more about our daily habits. Habits are behaviors that are automatic and repeated. Think of what you do every morning after getting up, walk to the coffee pot, drink your coffee, check the news, social media, turn the TV on, etc. They are behaviors that you don’t think about, they seem to just take over you, they “happen”. Habits are the stepping stones to our goals. It is about what we do every day that leads us to achievement and success. Habits can lead to our achievement or they can lead us to failure. We become what we repeat.
When I was a full personal trainer, the biggest frustration with clients came when they would not eat right, skipped meals, missed work outs. In others words, they did not do what I designed in order for them to lose weight and feel healthier. This was one of the reasons I got burned out with the profession, not because of my clients, but because of my lack of expertise and knowledge in how to influence them better, with more effective strategies. Their issue was not laziness, lack of discipline (maybe sometimes), lack of will power or lack of desire to change. The issue was that I just told them to change their habits without teaching them how to change their BELIEFS and STORIES to help them to “become” the habit, not to have a habit.
I will explain.
If you read my blogs, follow me on Instagram, Facebook or You Tube have been to one of my workshops, you have heard me saying that the creative or transformative process goes like this : BE – DO – HAVE. I follow that with one of the most powerful questions I ever asked myself: “Who do I need to BECOME to do ____ and have ____? Example, let’s say you want to lose weight. You hire a trainer and tell the him you want to feel better and sexier and have more energy. And there you go, the first 2-4 weeks you work out 3 times a week, eat few healthy meals, show up early for your training sessions, go to bed early. Week #5 you start struggling, start skipping work outs, get too busy to cook and you start getting behind your goals. Sounds familiar? The goal to get fit starts to feel too much stress, too hard and you give up or just maintain a mediocre level of fitness and health. What did go wrong here?
You need to become the type of person who is healthy and fit! You can’t just follow steps and actions without changing you beliefs and stories , basic you need to change who you are regarding that goal.
Now you know why you have failed in achieving fitness goals or other goals. Setting goals is the easy part, no mistake or mystery there. Creating a process and strategies that work and following is where we all fall short.
I shared with you many times how I failed in my 30’s. I set goals, but I did not change myself, I did not have the skills to design an effective system and process. I wish I had a coach!
So think about any area in your life that is a constant struggle, the times you tried to change and you were not successful. Ask yourself: Who do I need to become?
Peace and love, Alex.
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