“As high achievers our intention from the beginning of our journey was clear, honorable, connected with a great cause…we are driven, motivated, disciplined, fearless in a lot of ways and at some point in time, somewhere we get lost…anxiety and struggle become the quiet energies running through us.
That is an paragraph in the preface of my next book. When will that book be ready? No idea. The message unfolds within me as I heal my own wounds, my fear of not living my potential, the voice inside me that for years said:
“What is wrong with me?” or “Am I doing this right?”
It is not enough. That is what is underneath our voices, that judger that we achievers have inside. That is our pain.
There is nothing more frustrating for an achiever than putting the hours, the energy, doing everything “right” and getting poor outcomes or sometimes no outcome.
Success in our society, in business is measured by a simple thing: dollar amount.
It gets crazier.
The small business owners like myself struggle many times with tight budgets, barely having enough to pay the overhead and ourselves. So we focus and worry about money.
The big business owners, realtors, engineers or executives who make over $400-500K a year worry constantly about money as well.
What is wrong with this equation? What is really the source of the pain, the stress?
Money is not the problem, it is not the cause.
Think about it. Did your worry or your anxiety went way when you got a big pay? Yep, maybe for 5 minutes? Then you start worrying about when will you get that again? Or you manage to spend all that money then you are back where you were?
Or you finally achieve that big goal. How long do you celebrate? 5 minuets and then what is next? It is never enough. It is a chase for more and it is exhausting.
This blog is not about money. This is about our screwed up view of success and how, us – high achievers tie our self worth with the success of our career or businesses.
When we attach our self worth to money, status, bonuses or titles we basically may as well say “I don’t feel worthy”. We don’t need to say it, I actually don’t recommend you saying. That statement or belief has been imprinted in many of us, deep into our unconscious minds.
So because self-worth, need for love and need of feeling a sense of importance are all cousins, and there are human fundamental needs, they all become mixed up and our ego will do anything to meet those needs.
The ego says, get more, do more, try harder, be better than others, hustle so I can feel loved and worthy.
And we do it. We are not aware that the ego is driving our decisions. Decisions that are coming from fear, fear of not being good enough.
The problem is that the ego is insatiable. It is never enough for the ego.
Now you are starting to see the picture. I am pulling the veil out for you.
“When do I know is enough Alex?” I get this question from clients and students of my classes.
That is personal and for you to answer, I say.
We mirror beliefs, models and behaviors from our parents, role models and in the case of success, we model the successful people.
How do we know they are successful? The car they drive, size of their houses, clothes they wear, fancy vacations?
And if we don’t get that stuff, we feel not successful? That is INSANITY.
What is success for you, first of all?
Many of us fell into the trap of success and the American dream. What about your dream? What do you want? How much money do you need to live your dream? What resources, skills do you need to acquire to Be that person living your dream?
Who do you want to Become? How do you want to experience every day, your life? Those are important question for you to answer, so you break the trance.
Many of us got in trance, a state of conditioning and hypnotic. Do more, get busy, work more, try harder, hustle.
This model is destroying the joy, motivation and health of many high achievers. They feel too tired to engage with love ones, too tired to work out, too anxious to sleep, they are burning out.
The result of this vicious chase is anxiety, overwhelm, fatigue and suffering physically, mentally, emotional and spiritually.
This chase is a lie. This chase is an illusion. We are chasing a mirage of an oasis in the hot desert.
What we truly want is love and connection. We are chasing love. We are chasing deep connections and worth. We want to matter.
Let’s stop. Let’s pause and let’s heal our wounds, connect with our hearts, the Source of Life, Universe and see the magic, see the beauty all around and feel deeply successful because of the kind of Human Being we are.
We are brave, we are resilient, we are joyful, we are creative, we are LOVE.
We are everything we chase and crave.
You are success already. So stop chasing success.
Much love, Alex.