So often we want to take an action that we know is good for us and yet, we don’t.
We might want to tell someone what we need and we stop ourselves because we fear we will hurt that person, or we will be judged. We put them before us.
You might want to start working out, but the story of not having the time stops you. Meanwhile your health goes down.
You might want to quit your current job and pursue your dream career and you hold yourself back because of the stories around money, age, success or other limitations you create. And your life force gets depleted every day.
We usually invest a lot of time on creating stories and reasons of why we should not take that action that our hearts long for. We come up with all the consequences of that action…and we go back to our OK job, relationship and small life, a life that is not our design and our energy leaks from the lack of happiness and fullfilment. I call that mediocrity and we all have done that and do that again at times, if we are not aware.
The thing that hit me yesterday, as I was listening to a conversation that inspired me was that we rarely consider the consequences of the INACTION, in other words, what are the consequences in my life, my family, my well being, my happiness if I don’t do anything?
Who is really hurting from not taking the needed action? Usually “I am”.
The funny thing is that this question is even in the questionaries I give to my clients before we start working together, and yet, I failed at times to reflect on this type of thinking.
The fact is every single thought and action will have consequences. Isn’t better if we take an action that is thought out, reflected upon and we can prepare for the consequences as best as we can? An action the serves our highest good and the good of others?
We can design that action, we can understand why is necessary for our growth and well being, and in that process we develop the courage to do it, we feel empowered even with fear.
COURAGE is to be-friend the fear and take at the action anyway.
What stops many people from taking the “must” action is this illusive idea that “I am being selfish”. Selfishness gets a really bad name, it means we only care about ourselves. The other side of that, which I see a lot among women specially is to put everyone care about herself. So there is a spectrum here, where actually being selfishness can be a healthy act. It can rebalance our life.
Self-care is not selfishness, self-respect is not selfishness.
We all know that when we feel good, energized, strong and clear we can help others from a much better place. So if you have hard time with the word selfishness, replace by self care which is an act of self love and self respect. There is nothing noble about depleting your resources in order to please someone, nothing.
When we say YES to someone and deep inside we are saying NO to ourselves we are actually betraying our bodies and our values.
The cost of that betrayal over time is dissatisfaction, depletion and dis-ease.
All we can do every day is trying to create situations that are a Win-Win, and many times that is totally possible. Ask yourself this question:
If I take this action, if I change, who will benefit?
Usually the ones who you love the most will benefit from your changes, because you will be in a place of more joy, love, light and empowerment.
So here is what I recommend if you are ready to take an action that scares you: (use a journal)
- Get clear of WHY this action is a must
- Who will benefit from this action?
- How can I have this conversation from a place of love and compassion?
- What will happen if I don’t take this action or change?
- Take yourself into the future and imagine how you will feel after you made that decision.
There are always few ways to do things. Choose truth, your heart truth. An action that is driven by love is never wrong. An action or inaction driven from fear always leads to regrets and disappointment.
Peace and love, Alex.