Last night I was reading a book, trying to focus on the content. Trying because there was something distracting me. The distraction was this automatic voice in my head feeding me with messages that were not empowering and positive.
Sometimes a voice in our head is a message from intuition, an insight. This voice was not that. This is the voice of the critic – the judge that we all have inside us. This is the voice of self-doubt, fear, insecurities. That voice that says “you are not good enough” to achieve or to create X and Y.
Can you resonate? That voice comes sometimes, no matter how positive you are, how much personal growth work you do, mantras, meditations, it still shows up.
Can I explore with you a little about this voice? It will bring a positive insight and a solution to it, I promise.
First of all, we need to ask: Who is talking? Some of you may say that is obviously your head, yourself.
That is no entirely true. That energy behind the voice is the mind, the psyche, or I should say a part of the psyche.
Think about the mind or the psyche like a collection of all our experiences since we were a new born, experiences in childhood, beliefs we adopted from our parents and family dynamics, values from our parents and even ancestors, trauma and after childhood, everything that we choose to think and believe as a model of life.
It is a lot of information, information-data that makes up our unconscious program that is constantly in the background of our mind running the show. It runs our thoughts, beliefs, feelings and behaviors.
Starting in childhood, in order to survive the psyche starts creating personalities or parts if you will. Parts to cope with the challenges we all have as children. As children we care about essential needs – love, emotional connection and validation. At early age, we do anything to get those needs met, including giving up our essence so we can feel attached to our parents or care takers.
In that dynamic we have these parts inside us that are constantly trying to protect us from losing attachment. Protect is highlighted for a reason that you will understand soon. If you know internal family systems, you know where I am going with this.
That “judge” that was speaking to me last night was an echo of an old “friend”, a part of me that keeps me in fear, that causes me to be hard on myself, that pushes me towards actions based on despair and anxiety. Dr. Gabor Mate calls this the stupid friend. It is a part of us that is very young and it doesn’t understand that now I am a mature and evolved adult, that I no longer need a judge to push me through fear. I no longer need a protector.
How can this voice be present to protect me?
It wants to protect me from getting hurt, from failures, from disappointments because all these were experiences were recorded in the past. That voice is locked in the past.
So who is talking? It is NOT me, it is the mind.
I highlighted that because that is the first tool to use when you hear this negative voice in your head – “it is just my mind doing its thing”.
When you tell yourself those words, you are aware that whatever that message is, it is not true, it is not you in this present moment. This strategy interrupts a pattern in the mind, so you won’t be highjacked with the emotions of fear, despair, anger, depression and/or anxiety.
You will save your brain and yourself from a false perceived threat. Our brains don’t know the difference between real threat or perceived threat. That is when you come in, using your conscious mind, your pre-frontal cortex – the executive mind to give the right instructions to your brain and body.
This is being present, aware and conscious.
There is so much talk about living in states of high consciousness these days and it can sound complex. It is not, unless you want to make it complex.
Start by simply paying attention to your thoughts. Who is talking? Do you believe in this message? Are you going to attach to what this voice is saying about you? That is a decision for you to make – that is the work that we do in therapy, coaching and many healing modalities.
The work is about coming back to our essence and disentangling ourselves from these old survival beliefs, feelings and strategies that our mind created. Our mind holds us in prison and at the same times holds the key to our freedom.
We hold the power inside us. Power of experiencing freedom, peace, joy, love and abundance all the time. These states are our essence. We were born with them. We don’t acquire them with hard work, we get out of the way. We yield, we relax, we become aware and we let go.
That is the work. It is journey back to the beloved heart.
So, next time you hear that voice, be kind to it, give a thanks for the protection it provided you and say good bye to it because it no longer serves you.
Peace and love, Alex.
P.S.: Want to learn more about healing work? Contact me for information about classes and 1:1 sessions.