Why do we sacrifice happiness, even values for security?
As humans, we all have a fundamental need to feel safe and secure. I so get that.
One of the reasons I know I won’t live in Brazil again is because I don’t feel safe there, because of the violence.
But, that is not the kind of safety and security I am speaking about here. I am also not speaking to those who don’t have shelter and food on the table. I am talking to an audience who has covered to the survival needs.
I am speaking here about the beliefs that we have as a culture of what security means. For most of us in America, security means having lots of money, a solid relationship, as stable job, being stable, the big house filled with stuff we doing need, as many clients/customers as possible, a bug retirement account and even not taking big risks, which could possibly takes us to a much happier place.
All just for the name of security.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately because I am constantly talking and coaching people who are stressed out and as I investigate the stress, one that I see a lot is fear of losing “security”.
I have also done tons of work on myself this year, as I realized I was a victim of this trap myself, feeling that unless I had lots of clients, or had a level of financial success, I was not secure.
Don’t distort my words please. I love helping as many clients as possible, I love the choices that I have with more money in the bank and I love all I have created.
And, at the end of the day we need to learn how to be ok without all time things. Why, you ask. I can hear you.
Can you open your mind a second with me and step out and look at the bigger picture of life?
What guarantees our security, really? What and whom? To me is much more scary to depend on someone or something to validate our security.
We are security and safety. You are, I am. You are the one that makes the money, who learn every day, who creates more success and skills. You!
I want you to really feel that inside you. Become friends, get cozy with uncertainty and you will never feel insecure again. Those thoughts that you might “lose” (money, relationship, clients, job, business, house) will fade way.
Because the truth of life is that change is a certainty and we need to adapt.
It is not the fittest that survives, it is the one who can adapt.
Thing about history, how things can change fast. Companies shut down, people get fired for budget cuts, one day someone wants to be with you and next day it might change or that person can’t hold your security anymore. Economy crashes, banks can collapse, we can get a call from our doctor saying we have a year to live, a war can happen, we can get hit my lightening, by a truck…(ok, but you are here now, very alive)
You know I am relentlessly positive, and I am also a realist. Anything is possible and of course I am always looking on the positive possibilities and, as a rational human being, we need to also look at the worse case scenario and this is the punch line of this blog:
We need to learn how to be ok with if our external security is gone. Because we are here still, always standing no matter what and we are resourceful. We are the ones who created that thing that we lost, we can do it again.
Our true safety and security come from us, from who we are, the person we have become. From our skills, talents, expertise, wisdom and deep intelligence.
I guarantee neither you or me will ever be in a place that we can’t get a job. We learned how to hustle, I know like me, you would figure out how to take care of you and your family if all changed tomorrow.
Besides our skills and talents, we have character, we have incredible qualities that help us like strength, grit, courage, determination and love in our hearts. We have our mindset that helps us.
And nothing, no one can ever take our character and our mindset away from us.
Another huge thing that we have is each other, our community. When we ask for help, there is always a hand or more that wants to help.
And lastly, we have FAITH. Your faith might be in God, the Universe, Life, Source…whatever you call, there is a High Power that we all have access, that is always a available to us.
Think about the last time life got really hard for you, did help come? Did solutions unfolded for you?
Our capacity to survive is more than we all think.
We already are fit for survival. Let’s move into getting fit for Thrive.
You know I don’t focus on survival. My job is to help people to get out of survival and thrive every day. And with that said, we have incredible skills of survival and we want to continue growing them, but from a thriving position.
This is how:
- Develop a strong and positive character to handle stress like a champion.
- Let go baggage so you free up mental/emotional energy for solutions and success
- Build spiritual fitness to support you when things get difficult.
- Develop great emotional intelligence to connect with yourself and with others better
- Prioritize your physical health so you can show up at your best in times of crisis
- Know your deepest values so have clarity when making difficult decisions
- Work on yourself constantly, on your personal growth
- Adopt a growth mindset.
I have found that by working on these daily, I have developed a great sense of safety and security. The thoughts that I used to grip on about the fear of losing no longer get to me. The fear of uncertainty no longer haunts me.
Fall in love with you, with who you are. Know your skills, remember where you have been before and that you can always figure things out.
You are an extremely resourceful person. Keep growing the resources and no matter what, you will always, always be ok.
Much love, Alex.
P.S.: Ask me about my new small group coaching where I will coach you to Thrive and create the life you want.